UPS AND DOWNS OF LIFE
To say I am even just a little
in that bipolar way
Or more correctly
That cyclothymic way
Makes me want to cry
Shout why? why?
I’ve kept it covered up for
For over sixty years
Why should I now
Reveal my fears
From memories
family fables
Reading just beyond the line
I find my ancestry
Is not so very fine
So many depressive and manic
Enough to make me panic
Always thought
It’s them: not me
I’ve just taken on
A little colour from my ancestry
Sometimes I sit
With friends or foes
Conventional conversation flows
No one knows
I really don’t belong
I say what others would not say
Interrupt all along the way
A million ideas tumbling out
Thoughts for ever dance about
Blossom and sprout, reel and rout
Just like the Ancient Mariner
Quite suddenly
I am flying high
Up up and away
Across the bright blue sky
Leaving all below
Colours brighter bolder as I go
I see horizons
They will never see
The whole world just
Revolves round me
And then there comes the fatal bump
Down down I drop
In an awful slump
And as perceptive Doctor
Seuss once said
To be in a slump
Is not much fun
Unslumping yourself
Not easily done
For me it can’t be done at all
Condemned to sit still
In that deep dark waiting hall
Distorting mirrors fill
Each and every
wall
Waiting waiting waiting
for the sun to shine once more
the colour of the sky turn blue
the verge of tears just go away
My heavy body light again
Happy thoughts within my brain
Waiting waiting waiting
While others wonder why
I’ve gone so quiet
No longer talking fast
Or is it maybe peace at last
While I wonder
Just how long
Will the waiting last.
Then suddenly the time is past
The sun shines bright at last
What loved ones say
No longer far away
And up I get
Go on my way
Into a new day
And wonder how long
Before the whirlwind
Beyond time’s horizon hidden
Will appear again unbidden
To sweep me up
Drop me down till
Fog, grey rain and darkness
Sweep me down
The drain again again
Ian Higgins
20-07-12
